Stars
<<2003-01-26 - 5:12 p.m.>>

Me and my mum were talking today and she was telling me that when my Dad's Dad died when he was 13, he became really moody and sullen because he had also lost his sister when he was younger and their family was a stiff-upper-lip kinda deal. When he met my mum, he came out of his shell and she was the only thing that could make him happy. There's some other stuff I found out about his brother and things but it's not really relevant. I may write about it later, meh.

So it explains why my Dad has problems with showing affection to anyone but my Mum... and that includes me, as far as I can tell. He used to play with me when I was little and hug me and things but as I've got older he doesn't really pay me much attention anymore. Anyway he's got this illness from stress, so I think, and um we were also talking about what will happen when one of them dies. They both say there's no way they could meet someone else and be happy. And I can see that day now... I will have to come and support the one that gets left behind, and I don't know if I will be able to cope with all that strain, being an only child.

My parents were telling me I'm getting really fat last night *cries* why aren't I good enough for anyone? I'm only a size 10 (British sizes, a 6 in American) and I try my best with them but I just feel like sometimes I have to question whether I'm as important to them as they claim. I worry sometimes that my own family don't love me, how dysfunctional is that?

God, this country is a mess. I am getting out of here as soon as possible and anyone else who wants to desert this sinking ship is welcome to join me. I kinda hope Rob will be one of them.

On the plus side I just wrote half my French coursework all by myself and actually enjoyed it. Maybe there's hope I won't end up miserable and working at McDonalds earning my Customer Service stars!

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