My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
<<2003-04-27 - 1:51 p.m.>>

I love this song. One has to wonder how someone can write songs like this, that everyone can relate to. Hmm. This particular line entered my head this morning when me and Rob were in bed and he was asleep but we were curled around each other. Entwined, so to speak, while everything outside was all peaceful and quiet, and I was just watching him and grinning away to myself like a bloody idiot. What happened, I used to be cynical!

Last night went well. I even had a good time. Laura and Sy got me a whole box of Big Red chewing gum! I only asked for one packet (they don't make it in the UK anymore sadly) and they also got me a little stuffed Eeyore in a raincoat. It's so adorable!

The five of us just went to a few places; I didn't drink too much. Then we went back to Sy's to pick up my bag and Rob actually went into Sy's house for the first time in about 6 months. After that, Rob and I left to get a taxi back to his house. We got dropped on the main road and went wandering down some back alleyway to find a takeaway that would make us burgers at midnight. Luckily they were still open so we collected the food and set off walking back.

He was telling me about some other girls from before I met him, and how they used to ring him up all the time for no apparent reason. It's weird. All these people in his life and then he met me, and in the end, I got him. Lol. Wonder how that happened. Apparently the day after we met for the first time, one of his friends was trying to get him to go with this girl from his old school but despite the fact that nothing had happened between us at that point he refused because he wanted to give him and me a chance. How sweet is that? It's not like I would have known about it.

He is really loyal actually. It's one of the things I like best about him. It's nice to feel so important to someone.

For some reason his ex Laura sent him a text at some point last night asking what he was up to. I wasn't aware they were talking, to be honest. But, hey, she seems alright from the few words we've exchanged. He dismissed their whole relationship as bullshit anyway. I also found out what happened with him and this other girl Sarah (this is the one he was determined to go out with about um, lol, a week before we got back together. After she'd said no. And after Lauren (my friend) had also said no.

But I'm not going to think about the ramifications of that because that's not how it sounds and anyway it's depressing to feel like the last in the queue. Lol. Nah, I don't really feel like that. Never have. A lesser person might have.

While I'm being introspective... my family is on tenterhooks. This job interview my dad had is so intensely important; he needs to be at home weekends. It's hell, and has been for two years since my parents despite being still totally in love like teenagers never get any time together. My mum is lonely, my dad is depressed and me... I'm more affected by it than I let on. The pressure of being an only child keeping up the morale is huge and I'm lying to them all the time about how I feel. I say it doesn't bother me but ohhh, it does, and it's gone so far as to nearly split me and Rob up because of how low I was feeling.

So, that's enough for today. I'm spent.

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